Ask Kyle: Is There A Definitive Beyond-the-Basics Manual for Gay Sex?

It's Monday again, and I have a very enticing and interesting Ask Kyle blog post for you today. I received this question from Braddie in Montreal, QC:

"Hey Kyle, I found your site and I am impressed. You seem to be pretty resourceful. Maybe you can help me find some stuff. My partner and I have been together for three years and nine months. I am 80% top and Mike is 80% bottom. We have a great relationship (and yes we are hot!!), we love each other very much, and are still into each other. In the sack we have no problems whatsoever. We have vivid imaginations and enjoy sex a lot. He really gets off on ass play and I get off on satisfying him that way (not fisting--I'm not mentally prepared for that, nor is he). I have been looking for a gay sex toy guide and a kinky/adventurous manual for man-to-man sex. I know the basics and we have pyrex, metal, hard rubber, gels, vibes, dongs, plugs... I am making myself sound like a nymph... but just trying to give you an idea of our inventory. I just want to learn as much as I can on technique and switching it up, so as to keep the WOW factor. Do you have any ideas? Where can I find it?"

Braddie, thank you so much for finding your way to Blappr and reading the blogs. I've been putting my heart and soul into these articles and it is great to know that you are enjoying it. First off, I have to say that it sounds like your sexual relationship is very healthy! That's a great thing. So many of us have sexual hangups and issues, but it sounds like you and Mike are 100% compatible with no reservations. So you're ahead of the game right there.

I have to admit that my own claim to fame as a gay sex expert has been mostly hard-won (no pun intended) by experience, and from talking to other gay guys like me. I have a wide circle of friends and we are all pretty open about our sex lives. I've learned a lot from their stories, as well as my own encounters. I don't spend much time reading books or other blogs on gay sex, unless of course I find myself with a question that I don't know the answer to. Your question really got me interested, because I definitely don't own a book that I would consider the definitive guide to gay sex. The ones that I do own tend to treat it as an introduction, never addressing those of us who have moved beyond the basics.

So I hit the books and did some research...

It seems to me that at the present time, the best guide to gay sex that's out there is Ultimate Gay Sex by Michael Thomas Ford. It's true that this one covers all the basics, which you have already cruised right on past--but it also covers a lot of new ground that will add to your sexual repertoire. Beyond that it's a beautiful collection of nude male photographs, and it makes a great conversation-starting coffee table book. I don't think it's completely what you're looking for--but it does come close.

The Joy of Gay Sex, Revised & Expanded Third Edition by Charles Silverstein and Felice Picano is still the classic. It touches on everything, including some things that most of us aren't even remotely interested in. This is as complete as it gets--though it covers everything, it doesn't go quite as deeply into each topic as you might want. It's a great place to start though.

If you really want to deepen your sexual relationship in ways that you haven't even though about, you might want to try Tantra for Gay Men by Bruce Anderson. Tantra is an ancient practice that taps into the raw powerful energies of sex and spirituality. It's too broad of a topic for me to even begin to touch on here, but if you want to take it to the next level, I would highly recommend giving this book a try.

And finally I've got one that comes in an unassuming package but it just may be your best bet after all. 101 Gay Sex Secrets Revealed is written by Jonathan Bass, and it's written in a creative and conversational tone that really pulls you into it. This one goes beyond the basics, upping your technique, and touching on everything before the foreplay, after the afterglow, and everything in between. I found that several of my friends own this one and swear by it. I think it's worth a shot.

At the end of the day, what I figured out is that there is not one definitive guide to gay sex. At least not yet. We are all writing that book every day as we broaden our horizons and heighten our experiences as gay men. Maybe one day in the future I will get down to writing that book myself--or maybe the one who has been searching for that book (you!) will be the one to write it after all. While all of the books above are excellent guides, none can do it all.

I'll end this one with a call to my readers. If any of you think there's a better gay sex guide out there than the ones I mentioned in this article, please post it in the comments below!

Thanks again for your question Braddie--and if you have any more, remember that you can send them my way anytime at kyle@blappr.com. Can't wait to hear from you again soon!

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Kyle, Blappr's Gay Sex Toys Expert
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