Dating & Relationships

Hi boys, it's Monday, another warm summer night, and I'm out on the patio enjoying the night air as I write tonight's post. I got a really great question for our Ask Kyle column in my inbox the other night from a guy in Toledo, Ohio who wishes to remain anonymous. Check out his question, and then click the read more link to find out my answer:

Q: Hi Kyle. I've got a question that's been nagging at me for a while now, and I thought maybe you could set my mind at ease on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and we are both monogamous and tested completely STD-free at three months and six months into the relationship. He wants to cum inside my anus while we're having sex, but after so many years of having only protected sex, I'm a little bit nervous about it. I know he's STD-free, but are there any other health risks associated with leaving semen inside of you after gay sex? My boyfriend lovingly (and laughingly!) says I'm being obsessive-compulsive about this and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I've never done it before and I want to go into it with a clear conscience! Help me out Kyle--thanks! To find out the answer,  read more »

Hi guys--it's a new week again and I've got a brand new Ask Kyle blog entry for you, this time centering on a relationship question. This one comes from Amblin who wishes for his location to remain private. Here's his original email:

Q: "Dear Kyle... Hi there. I stumbled across your blog the other night and spent an hour or so reading some of the advice that you've given to your readers. Maybe you can help me out too. I've been with my partner for over five years, and we fully intend to spend the rest of our lives together. Our state prohibits gay marriage but we've chosen to stay here to be close to friends and family--until we have marriage equality here, it looks like Manny and I won't be saying those vows. Nonetheless, we feel that we are married at heart. We have that close of a relationship. We've lived together for almost four years. And we talk about adopting kids all the time, though I'm not sure how soon we'll materialize those plans. The question right now is this...

"We handle all our finances together--or more accurately I handle both of ours--but up to now we have maintained separate bank accounts. Lately it's really been getting to me. I wish we could combine our accounts into one joint account like married couples do. While I'm great at keeping the bills paid, I don't know that much about the legal side of things. Should Manny and I get a joint bank account, or are there drawbacks that I don't know about? Thanks Kyle. I'm really looking forward to hearing your advice on this." To find out the answer,  read more »

Hi guys! I'm back from a mini vacation from blogging, and I'm refreshed and ready to go again. I got a few great Ask Kyle questions in my inbox while I was away, and I chose this one to kick off my return:

Q: "Hi Kyle, this is J.C. from Washington. What's up? I've been a Blappr customer for a while now and I've been enjoying your blogs, especially the Ask Kyle ones. Now I find myself needing to ask you a question of my own. I've been with my boyfriend for about six months now, and we are very serious and committed to each other. Prior to this I had only been with women, but I was never completely fulfilled even when things seemed OK on the surface. I soon realized that I was trying to be straight to make everyone else in my life happy. When I met Leon, I knew that I couldn't lie to myself or anyone else anymore. I've come out to all the important people in my life, and Leon and I are settled and stable on everything but one point--he does not believe that I'm gay. At least a couple of times per month we get into an argument because he thinks I am going to 'change my mind' and leave him for a woman. I know in my heart that I am 100 percent gay. How can I convince Leon of this so we can stop having these stupid arguments? Help me Kyle!" For the answer,  read more »

Hi guys, I'm sorry to be coming to you again on a Tuesday when I usually kick off my week blogging on Mondays, but I had to attend the funeral of a loved one yesterday. I planned to blog when I returned home, but it hit me harder than I anticipated and I opted to spend the rest of the night in the company of my friends and family.

Appropriately, this past weekend I received an Ask Kyle question from Stefan in Wyoming who asks:

Q: Dear Kyle, I have a very serious question for your Ask Kyle column. I have been struggling with something and wasn't sure where to go for advice. Hopefully you can help me. I lost my partner Keith to AIDS almost three months ago. I knew that he was HIV positive when we first got together, and I loved him not in spite of it, but even because of it--because his strength was so admirable in times of amazing struggle. We got through every health battle together up until the end, and now I sit here without him, trying to put the pieces back together and figure out how to exist on my own again. I've been throwing myself into my work, but I don't think that's the best way to deal with this. How can I mourn Keith in a way that will allow me to both honor his memory and move on with my life? I loved him so much that I don't know how to live without him--and yet I know that he would not want me to lose myself in this loss. Please help, Kyle. Thank you. For the answer,  read more »

Happy Tuesday guys! I'm sorry I didn't get to you on Monday like I usually do—I am away for a long weekend and this was the first chance I had at some wireless access on the road. How was your weekend? Mine was great. I got this unique question for Ask Kyle in my inbox just a few minutes ago, and I thought it was the perfect one for today's column. This comes from Chris in Maryland. Check out his words, and my answer following that:

Dear Kyle, I am a 23-year-old guy, and I have been dating a very special guy who is a few years older than me. He's been in a few relationships so he's got a leg up on me—this is only my second time dating a guy since I came out. Prior to that it was limited to secret crushes. I think I love him, but we haven't really said the words yet, nor are we specifically exclusive. He's invited me to go away with him for the whole summer to his family's cottage on the lake, just the two of us for two amazing months. Seems to me that he's sending the message loud and clear that he wants to get serious, but I don't know if I'm ready to make the plunge. I get excited thinking of two months alone with him, and I do care about him very much—but I'm just not sure that I love him yet. Should I commit to him now and make it official, or should I skip the trip to protect my heart? To read the answer, click  read more »

What's up fellas? I received this email from Mark in California, just shortly after I received word that gay marriage was legalized in that state. A few of my friends in Los Angeles are also planning to tie the knot as soon as possible, so I know he's not the only one! Check out Mark's original email here, followed by my response:

Kyle, did you hear the news? Gay marriage is legal in California. My boyfriend (now fiance) Jon and I live in So Cal, and I proposed to him immediately upon hearing the great news. Though we've talked about marriage a lot over the last few years, we didn't think it was going to be real possibility any time soon. I want to make sure this is a wedding to remember, but I'm not very experienced with planning these types of things and neither is Jon. Where do I begin?

And now the answer:  read more »

Early on the 15th of May, the California Supreme Court lifted the gay marriage ban in that state, with a 4-3 ruling. Gorgeous sunny California is the second state, and the largest state, to legalize gay marriage. (Can you tell I'm packing my bags already?) The justices said of the ruling, "Limiting the designation of marriage to a 'union between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional."

I've always found it strange that California--a state where seemingly anything goes--did not legalize gay marriage. But clearly I was judging a book by its cover, or by the loud and proud glittery star of the state--Los Angeles. If California has now given us the right to marry, which state will be next? People are speculating that this will touch off a flurry of legalizations for gay marriage, because California is one of the leading economies, with 10% of our entire American population residing within their state lines.  read more »

Hey guys, how was your Monday? I just enjoyed a weekend away with my boyfriend, no internet, no phone, no interruptions. Needless to say we got some major "catching up" out of the way, and by that I DO mean SEX! But enough about me and my sizzling weekend...

Right now I've got a very special edition of Ask Kyle for you... a compilation of all of our past questions and answers up to this point! Enjoy... and if you've got a question of your own, don't forget that you can reach me anytime at kyle@blappr.com.  read more »

I found this email in my inbox today from a young guy in the throes of that classic dilemma--"Is it too soon to say I love you?" Read his original message below, and then click the "read more" link to view my answer...

"Dear Kyle, I'm a 22-year-old gay male and I've been in a steady relationship for a couple of months. I've dated a few guys prior to this but it never got this serious, so I don't really have any experience with the words, 'I love you.' I have very deep feelings for my boyfriend and I'm hoping he's the one, but neither of us have stepped up to the plate to say the words. Is it too soon? Help me out man. Thanks."  read more »

So tonight I'm at the bar after work with one of my buddies, and he turns to me and says:

"Kyle, I read that one blog entry of yours on Blappr last week."

I stare at him blankly wondering which one he's talking about.

"You know—the one about the threesome ruining that guy's relationship."

Oh yeah. That one.

Uh oh, I think to myself. I'm in trouble.

This happens sometimes with my friends. They know I'm Blappr's gay sex expert and sometimes they like to call me out on my opinion pieces.

He goes on to tell me that he's been having threesomes regularly for the last two years, and that it's deepened his relationship with his partner considerably. He says that he now thinks they're going to make it long-term, whereas before he wasn't sure if they'd make it through the week.  read more »